so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
