Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
