She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
