My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
