she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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