he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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