Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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