I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
