he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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