I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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