tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There r osticjed everywhere
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
