Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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