dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
