connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize