your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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