The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Randomize
