The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
