I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
