the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hippo gnu deer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
