My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
