Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
