i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This baby is an asshole
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
