i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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