Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
