There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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