you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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