Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
