First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
