i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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