Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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