Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
