maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
