the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
