did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
