I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize