All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
