Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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