Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I will be naked everywhere
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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