You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
