He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
