Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
