I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
