i always forget guys have bellybuttons
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
