You made me cry and you don't even care
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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