Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
