when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
