I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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