What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
