We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
