So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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