I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
did i just pee glitter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
