Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
