thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
