I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
