When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
