Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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