I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
