T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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