I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
